dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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