Can i not drive my cunt home
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i would punch a child for taco bell
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize