I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
