I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
