The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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