I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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