No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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