Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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