i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
