i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
