atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
they call him Oral-B. enough said
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
