I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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