u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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