guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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