just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
