the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
