I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
