My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
