He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
