i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
