Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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