i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Nobody cheats on THIS.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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