i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
