If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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