My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
