i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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