I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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