I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
