my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
