i need an iv and a liver transplant
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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