Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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