Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
