You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
