I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
its liver damage thursday
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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