no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
