At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
