YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome