I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.