I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My penis needs a shock collar
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.