Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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