I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling