oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.