Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
