Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
