Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
