i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
