Pappa wants mamma naked
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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