And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
