you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
