if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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