They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
