I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
