That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
she told me i tasted like america
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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