dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
