I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
