I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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