Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
