at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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