she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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