found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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