I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
