It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize