I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
