Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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