my soul wont recognize me after tonight
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
