The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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