Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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