we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
