I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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