Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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