The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
When are your genitals available?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
