She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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